It’s been a while since I have been on here. I am happy to be back. I need the encouragement that is for sure. Well, we all do in life!
Lately I have been thinking a lot about my mom and dad. I terribly miss them. There were unsaid words that should have been said prior to their deaths. I sometimes wonder what they knew or actually felt. But I cannot get my stomach tied up in knots everyday of my life. I cannot let my depression to control me again. And no it’s creeping on into my heart and soul and I do not care for it. It has much to do with holidays; as much of those who have lost a loved one can comprehend. As well as I have been worried about my health. Kidney Disease Stage 4. My kidney’s are not working well and it is all my fault. I have no clue why I am feeling as though this is a punishment for all I have done wrong or the people I have wronged. But that is crazy to think. Things happen to all of us in life. No one is perfect and no one deserves any pain and suffering of any kind.
I believe and trust my heart and soul in God. I know this is the enemy, Satan trying to ruin my strength and faith. But I am not letting that fool control me at all. I cry out to God to heal my heart. I keep myself occupied with faith television, as in movies on Amazon Prime to keep a focus there. That helps a lot! I believe in God’s love to cover and protect me no matter what happens. I know it sounds like I am rambling here but this evening I need to do this.
I moved to the city five weeks ago fro the suburbs, big difference. But I do love it ya know. I am trying find work and this challenge has not been the best for me. I need my own place out here. It is hard to share with my daughter and her boyfriend. Especially since they are expecting a baby in early January. Plus they need to get his room ready which is the room I am staying in.
So, as you all see I am burdening myself with stressing out, overlapping my brain too much. I must take things one moment in time, no freak out. Yes, I know I need a job, yes I know I need my own place. I am not a moron over here. But I do not need other people to add their stress on me. They do not need that stress either. We just need to take deep breaths, there is only so much we each can do. Someone seriously hire me ya know. Then things will work out a bit better ya know. God please provide as always. He always does. I have faith in that. I am truly thankful and grateful for all I have and what has happened to me. I will NEVER forget who has been there for me. But I sometimes feel so alone, yes I have my Lord and Savior Jesus but we need fellowship. These are things that get us through the troubled waters. Right now the waters are extremely wavy and we are needing to be cautious of falling overboard. God will provide.
Remember God loves everyone, please show His Spirit through by being kind to one another. And I mean everybody, every person. Think about it.